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I did however begin to secretly hope that she would actually take up with him, or even one of the older college boys, having a relationship might open a window onto the real world for her. As far as Mum and I knew, Emma was not romantically into boys, or girls, for that matter, she had never had a boyfriend and just hung out with her mixed group of friends who I thought were a waste of space. None of them worked and they always looked scruffy and untidy, like something left over from a 70’s hippy commune. In the beginning we were seriously worried that Emma would get into drugs or booze, but despite being a little shit at times and something of an emotional wreck, she was basically sensible and kept herself clean, she didn’t even smoke. When it came to looks Emma, like me, took after Dad’s side of the family. She was almost as tall as me, with dark hair and bright blue eyes. I thought she was painfully thin, her arms were like twigs and her legs not much better, but then, she never. .. ! That’s when I thought “Wait a f’ing minute...”In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer; throw in your washing.We were all having a good laugh about this, when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said “I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits...”I said “Sorry mate. Did he drown?”“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”The wife came out of the bathroom and said “I have just shaved my bits and you know what that means don’t you?”I said “Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again.”An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass.
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